Is it Legal to Murder my Printer?
Posted: Monday, August 24, 2009
by Connor Davidson
Yes, this is a rant. All of us love the freedom we get from our gadgets, the internet, our computers and printers. It makes life so simple. You want something done you've got the computing or mechanical power to do it. Life is good with technology.
Then error, error, bloody error. Everything inside your tech bubble decides to vanish and you are left with a red face and a new found loathing of all things technical.
Now, Mr Printer and I once got on quite well. We're old buddies going back about 3 years. In the early days I'd ask him to print my stuff out and he'd reply "printing". He did a wonderful job printing neat prints with not even a smudge to be seen. Now, however, I could take him up the garden path, close the gate and kick his head in.
It's so in-cooperative now. Every time I switch it off or unplug the USB I have to reinstall the whole darn thing – it's just another pain to put up with. On top of that every time I reinstall it I'm told I have a new printer. I have to scroll though over 20 installed printers to choose the right one.
If that's not enough I had made the document on Microsoft (MS) Publisher 2003 so I couldn't open it on my computer with MS Office 2007. Thus, I had to email it to myself (which I don't do often – I'm not all that sad) then open it as HTML and convert that through my site into text. Then copy and paste it into word and press print. It works.
Until it did not spit it out properly and tried to take it back before spitting it out again as a scrunched mess. So here is what I'm going to do to get my revenge (watch out Mr Printer):
· I'm going to rip all the paper out and I don't care if you're stupid LED lights up
· Then remove all the ink.
· Put the print tray facing upwards (gravity is on my side" be-hatch")
Having done all this I now fancy printing 100,000 documents. While you struggle I'm going to dance to your frantic beeps crying for help and am going to gleefully cross off all the error messages.
Yet, sadly this will not accomplish anything and neither will me sitting moaning about it. But if no-one ever moaned it would be a pretty crazy world with every thing being done the opposite to how we want it to be done. If we were to ban moaning you can guess the first thing I'd be moaning about.
But enough of all that moaning: you're all probably bored of it by now. I'll just continue on grumbling and shouting at technology. But in-between all of that I will live my life injecting technology and all the latest gadgets into my live. As much as it winds me up at times I'm addicted, dependant and unable to stop.
Oh, and yes I know it's a little hypocritical of me to use my computer, MS Word and the internet to complain about technology. But, that's because you've probably never read (or tried) to read my hand writing.
Connor Davidson 08/24/09
This Article has been viewed 473 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
More commentsWow Connor, inspirational stuff! I understand your frustration; my own printer has a habit of rejecting every piece of paper I place in its tray and spitting ink all over my desk. Very enjoyable!Thanks for the comment.
Connor,You made me smile. Been there, done that -- it is good to know I'm not alone!Thanks for an early more laugh,NancyThanks for the comment.
Just commenting through the reader's club.Don't worry, it's the rating you want.Well then , thanks for the rating.
Connor-Thanks for the laugh! Have you ever seen the scene in Office Space where they take a bat to the office printer! Maybe you should get a bat! Thanks for the rant!I have not yet seen that.Thanks for the comment.
Thanks for the laugh Connor, I love your last line :-) I can relate to technology issues. Blessings to you! TeresaIf the scanner on my printer worked I would submit a hand written article. But it would have to be in the humour (need a self-depreciating category though)Thanks for the comment.
100,000 documents? That screeching sound is your printer laughing. Thay have no respect for their creator!!oops, sorry.A very enjoyable read, Connor.Thanks for the comment.
My printer sits here laughing at me as I try to figure out how to print MS documents opened in Parallels on my Macbook.I have 3 PC's and one Mac and it causes me so many problems.Thanks for the comment.
I was about to agree with Laura (about the bat), but I had better thoughts and suggest you pull out a .44 and blow it away!!!!!!!!!!!Not a judge in the country would hold it against you.
Connor, splendid rant, my fellow Warpie! "...bloody error..." I like that (smile).Thanks for the comment.
Hope technology has been a little kinder to you since you wrote this Connor. I have running battles with the work printer also. Not so much "error,error" but a determined stubborness and a complete refusal to print. Grrrr! JulianWell, after writing this I shut down my computer.... then re-installed the printer the next day.Thanks for the comment.
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