Want Free Tomato Juice? Well Try Squeezing My Face
Posted: Friday, May 15, 2009
by Connor Davidson
My Books and Articles (under construction)
You know the drill… whether it's the moron at the movies who won't shut up, the slow sloth thinking that 20MPH is safe on a motorway, the flat out flier that thinks mark 2 is safe on the motorway or even the plain ignorant ignoramus. You find your face going red and the only thing that is preventing you gouging out their eyeballs is that you show consideration and a degree of manners to people who have none. Now, I am not talking about the guy who does something a little inconsiderate and when confronted apologies and does not do it again. The people that annoy me are those who think they have the right to make everyone's life a misery and I'm sorry but until you shoot me with laser beams from your eyeballs I am not going to stand for it. Ah yes. That reminds me… the point of the article is to look at the little things –and big things – that really annoy us. Here is what I have come up with:
9) Queue jumping. This really annoys me. I can only think of one thing to solve the problem – see below…
8) People who talk constantly in movies. I was once in a cinema and two young girls would laugh so loud at the film and then discuss what they found funny out loud.
7) People who don't let you fly a British flag in Britain. You can dismiss this as fantasy but believe me this is true. I know a guy who lives in Newcastle who is rather patriotic and likes to fly a British flag on the anniversary of the Union of the Crowns. However, the neighbours from Bangladesh did not like this – when he told them to get stuffed they phoned the council and the police took it down. Now is that just a bit of a lapse in consideration? Now I'm sorry - yet again - if you live in Britain and don't want to see a British flag is Britain really for you? No it most certianly is not!
6) People who drive –in cars- excessively under the speed limit. Now you must remember that if it is raining or snowing you have to adjust your speed accordingly. But in good weather and perfect driving conditions driving 20MPH or more under the speed limit is not safe - it is a danger.
5) "Selective quoting". Now this is a term I like to use to describe people who like to quote what you write with out words like "some", "in general" "mainly" and "usually" ectra. This often changes everything and is done by so many tabloids. If you are going to quote, quote the correct meaning not the meaning that is convenient for you.
4) The word "up to". One thing that annoys me so much about adverts is the way they use up to -it's a con. They are basically saying you could have this so wonderful thing that we give to only one customer for legal reasons (so they can rightfully use up to) then they give you a product that is nowhere near as good. Dear all advertisers that use"up to" we are not stupid!
3)People who park in front of your drive. Have you ever come home and had to panic about scratching someone's car to get home? I have… people keep parking in-front of my drive and I don't like it one bit. They park on the other side of the road but still, it is difficult to get in even driving at 1 MPH. I once asked a man politely if he would mind moving his car and this is the exact words he used:" I'll park my car where ever I bloody well please!" Afterwards I put up a sign to ask people not to park their – that was stolen within a week.
2) People who try to put a curse on me. I was in a city and a strange woman tried to sell me a bit of heather raped in tin foil for a fiver. I said no. She did this strange thing with he fingers and said I had a curse put on me. Now I don't care. What I I'm annoyed about is that she was trying to exploit people and some people were so scared they paid up!
1) At number one. The single most annoying thing in my opinion are people who patronise. Now there nothing worse than someone trying to make you feel stupid and unimportant. These people are the worst people you can ever work with as they dismiss all your ideas and make you feel stupid so you take their ideas.
I have only one thing to say to all these people: go shout at traffic!
Connor Davidson 05/15/09
This Article has been viewed 1,264 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
More commentsI found the article entertaining.Please log in to respond to this comment.Thanks for the comment.Please log in to respond to this comment.
Thanks for writing this..I enjoyed.. However, I think some of these people have left Britain and immigrated to the good old USA. I can probably add another couple of dozen comments to your article. Especiall about people who park in front of the library drive by book drop and go into the library for a very long time.."Tread the Earth Lightly"" and let your days be filled with... Peace, light and love,Arlene Wright-CorrellPlease log in to respond to this comment.Thanks for the comment.Please log in to respond to this comment.
Jean, it sounds like you live in a pretty rotten neighborhood. Perhaps you should consider moving.Please log in to respond to this comment.Who is Jean?I think you got mixed up - this article is by me but was chosen as "Jeans pick of the day" yesterday.I live out in the country so there is not a lot of people - just enough to block my drive though. I am simply commenting on society and you get people like that everywhere.Thanks for the comment.Please log in to respond to this comment.
Hi Conner,I have to agree with all, but I think number 10 is first and then number one. Don't block me in my driveway unless you're company and given permission.God blessPlease log in to respond to this comment.I get annoyed at automated phone systems but have an evil plan to solve the problem - put a speaker by the phone and sit and watch Tv while it rambles and occasionally press the numbers instructed.Please log in to respond to this comment.
Come on, Connor - tell us how you feel! I agree with you on some, and have a few of my own I could add. I've not, to my knowledge had anyone put a curse on me, but I've had many curse at me.Please log in to respond to this comment.Ha ha... join the club.Thanks for the comment.Please log in to respond to this comment.
Enjoyable and humorous. Makes one think about how life is the same no matter what country you're in!Please log in to respond to this comment.Thanks for the the comment.Please log in to respond to this comment.
Connor, thank you for writing this article. It is a very interesting read. I like number nine. People who jump in front of you pretending they don't see a line (queue). They think that we don't know their intentions and think that we do not care and let them cut in. Where I live, we tell them right off, "THE LINE IS OVER THERE!" (pointing towards the end of the line) with a smirk in their face walk towards the end of the line and seemed to be annoyed. Huh.Best regards,NenitaPlease log in to respond to this comment.I once took a hold of someone and physically dragged them back.Thanks for the comment.Please log in to respond to this comment.
I'm not sure who this article is written for, as it is quite angry and full of negative energy. It reads more like a stand-up comic routine than an article. It's very well written though, and I wish you the best in cooling off.Please log in to respond to this comment.It is intended to be a humor article - hence being in the humor category - while still conveying serious points about society.Anyway, thanks for the comment.Please log in to respond to this comment.
Funny article.Please log in to respond to this comment.Thanks for the comment.Please log in to respond to this comment.
I agree with you--number 1 is the worst--even though people driving too slow drive me nuts!Please log in to respond to this comment.Thanks for the comment.Please log in to respond to this comment.
More comments
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.